A New, Strange Way to Injure Yourself

Ice blocking. Requires: A big hill, a big block of ice, cojones, cover of darkness, and most importantly, lots of beer. You can kind of connect the dots based on the requirements, but basically, it involves carrying a big block of ice up a hill, sitting on it, and riding it down a grassy hill at night. Fall, drink more, repeat until unconscious.

We were invited on such an excursion that fizzled out before it could happen. I think the hardest part of the whole thing is maintaining your conviction to do it between the inception of the idea and the relative sobriety required to gather the materials. I can’t imagine soberly walking into a grocery store and asking for a couple blocks of ice for riding. Then, after getting to the hill, making the climb, and sitting on a big block of ice, how can you still be drunk enough to cry out “Tally ho!” and go barrelling down into darkness?

This is one of the many reasons that teleportation would be so dangerous. Imagine being able to instantly, or at least more immediately, carry out the drunken ideas that we come up with in bars while we’re still drunk enough to do it. On one hand, we wouldn’t have to drive anywhere, which would probably save lives. On the other hand, there might be a lot more people waking up in the morning finding that they legally changed their name to Lord Gilligan Awesomeness Vader, wondering why their wrist is broken and their ass is frostbitten.